Three-day Funeral

Sadly our landlady died in her sleep last week. We're not sure how old she actually was, since she was born before birth records were kept. However she thought she was about 85 - 90 years old.

The tradition here is that the burial takes place after the next noon-day prayers, however the burial was delayed since four of her children live in America and were travelling to attend. During the first day close family members visit and Kira and I went upstairs to pay their respects, since they consider us as part of the family. We sat and talked and were offered bitter coffee and dates. Some of the ladies were reading portions of the Quran or using prayer beads. Everyone was wearing black, grey or white as a sign of respect.


Bitter coffee and dates

It's not here, it's upstairs!

The following day the family put a sign on the gate giving notice of the funeral. Kira made an arrow sign which we put on our front door since a number of guests rang our bell instead of going to the entrance of the rest of the building. I was invited upstairs again for lunch. The food had been provided by a restaurant and was Ouzi - rice, meat, nuts and peas wrapped in pastry - with yoghurt. Before the lunch, women were reading portions of the Quran or using prayer beads again.

'Keep going till we reach at least 10,000'

One of the women was counting up how many prayers they had collectively made because they wanted to reach about 10,000. Another woman was encouraging the ladies to quickly read parts of the Quran before the burial. I asked someone to explain about this custom and she said that if the complete Quran was read and more prayers offered then they believed God would be more forgiving and count it towards the old lady's good deeds which hopefully would outweigh her bad deeds and therefore enter her into heaven.



Ouzi

In the evening Paul went to the men's part of the funeral. This was held in a community hall next to the mosque. He talked with family members and drank coffee with them.

Where do I sit?

On the third day, I went to visit again with Kira for the final part of the funeral. On this day the wider community visit so there were lots of women. We sat and were given bitter coffee and dates again. I wasn't sure if there was an etiquette about where to sit, so asked the lady next to me what I should do. She told me that there was just one special couch for the closest family members and then everyone else could sit where they wanted. However often places further into the room are for more honoured guests. The tradition is to only stay for about 15 minutes to enable other women to have space to visit also.

A week in the life of ...

I was driving home from work at about‭ ‬7pm on a Sunday.‭ ‬Suddenly,‭ ‬a woman stepped out in front of my car and I did not have time to stop.‭ ‬She was speaking on her phone and did not even turn to look before I hit her.‭ ‬She was thrown forwards about‭ ‬5‭ ‬or‭ ‬6‭ ‬metres and then landed on the road.‭ ‬The first thought in my mind was that she was dead,‭ ‬but then I was relieved to see her move.‭ ‬The police arrived very quickly because the accident happened right in front of a police station.‭ ‬The police told everyone not to try and move her,‭ ‬but she sat up of her own accord,‭ ‬so some people helped her to her feet and took her straight into Amman hospital which was on the other side of the road,‭ ‬opposite the police station.

Amman Hospital

Sign this‭ – ‬don't worry about what it says‭!

They asked me to sign a piece of paper which was all in Arabic to promise that I or my insurance would cover all the costs of her treatment.‭ ‬However,‭ ‬I thought it wise to phone a local friend to come and translate it for me first in case it said anything else I would not want to sign.‭ ‬My friend arrived and then I signed the paper,‭ ‬once I was sure what it said.‭

Even if a pedestrian falls off a building onto your car,‭ ‬it is still your fault

Then I was taken across to the police station while my friend stayed at the hospital to monitor the lady’s recovery situation and to talk to her family who had also arrived at the hospital.‭ ‬I also called someone from my work to come and help talk to them and to the police on my behalf.‭ ‬I was well aware that the law in Jordan states that in any car accident involving a pedestrian,‭ ‬it is always deemed to be the driver’s fault,‭ ‬no matter what the circumstances.‭ ‬The police reiterated this point to me by telling me,‭ "‬Even if a pedestrian falls off a building onto your car,‭ ‬it is still your fault in Jordan but,‭ ‬God-willing,‭ ‬you will be OK.‭” ‬I was also aware that many drivers end up in prison in situations like this in Jordan,‭ ‬and began preparing myself for this possibility.

Caught by my Angel

Miraculously,‭ ‬the woman did not have a serious concussion or even any broken bones,‭ ‬leading me to think that she might have been caught by my angel.‭ ‬My local friend did a great job of reassuring her family that my insurance would cover everything and at about‭ ‬11pm they came over to the police station to sign a form stating that they did not wish to press charges against me.‭ ‬If they had not signed this form,‭ ‬I would have had at least a night in jail before going to the court the next day.‭ ‬In the room where I was waiting,‭ ‬about‭ ‬7‭ ‬prisoners were being held in a metal cage which was barely big enough for them.‭ ‬Someone explained to me that they were illegal immigrants.‭ ‬I was grateful that I was not told to wait in there with them.‭

Are you guilty‭?

The next morning,‭ ‬my friend and I went back to the police station and then to the court with one of the police officers.‭ ‬The judge took down all the details needed to open a case file for the accident.‭ ‬She asked me if I‭ ‬admitted that I was guilty of hitting the woman with my car,‭ ‬but was not interested in any of the circumstances of the accident‭ ‬-‭ ‬in Jordan there is no point in asking this because of the law.‭ ‬She set a date for a hearing‭ ‬2‭ ‬weeks later and then we left.

We went straight from the court to visit the lady in hospital and to give her a gift.‭ ‬My friend was advising me on the local customs in this situation.‭ ‬After‭ ‬2‭ ‬days of observation,‭ ‬she was released from hospital and I went to pay her bill which seemed extortionate but no one was surprised because they all knew that it would be covered by insurance.

Cultural expectations

My friend advised me that we should‭ ‬also‭ ‬visit her family so we went‭ ‬2‭ ‬days later,‭ ‬bearing‭ ‬3‭ ‬big boxes of fruit and more chocolates and spent some time with her male relatives.‭ ‬This was important,‭ ‬he said,‭ ‬because the family could decide to change their minds and press charges or demand a lot of money from us at any time before the next hearing.‭ ‬Usually,‭ ‬in Jordan,‭ ‬I would have needed to take many people with‭ ‬me from‭ ‬my tribe,‭ ‬but they settled for this since I am British.‭ ‬I found out from her brother that he had a similar accident‭ ‬15‭ ‬years ago and he was the driver.‭ ‬He had to stay in prison for several weeks until the matter was resolved between their respective tribes.

Kate also visited‭ ‬them the next day together with the kids and two other friends.‭ ‬The lady said that the first thing she thought after finding out that I was British was,‭ ‘‬Oh no‭! ‬If he is British,‭ ‬how are we going to manage to resolve this between my tribe and his tribe.‭’ ‬We are thankful that our local friends helped us to know the right thing to do in this culture and that her family are nice people. Some families in Jordan would have seen it as an opportunity to get lots of money from a foreigner. It was also quite amazing that the accident happened in what might be the only place in Amman where there is a police station opposite a hospital, which made the whole process much easier.

Two Christmas parties in one day

Over Christmas we are having six Christmas parties at our house for different groups of friends that we know here. On Boxing day we had two parties; in the morning we invited our neighbours from upstairs and in the afternoon we hosted a party for a family that we know in south Amman.

First party

Most of the preparation had been done the day before, so we just had to make flasks of tea and coffee and get all the food out before the neighbours came down at 11 o'clock. After our neighbours arrived we had some drinks and snacks before starting some games. This year, instead of 'Pin the beard on the Santa', we played 'Pin the star on Bethlehem' and 'Guess how many ornaments are hanging on the tree.'

Pin the star on Bethlehem

Kate's amazing Christmas desserts

Then Kate brought out the desserts, including mince pies, Christmas cookies and chocolate log roll that she had made.

Christmas cookies

Following on from desserts, Paul and the children did a dramatisation of the Christmas story in Arabic including Kira singing 'Angels from the Realms of Glory' in Arabic.

Mary, Joseph and the donkey

After clearing up there was very little time to rest before getting ready for the next party, which was the same all over again with the addition of the chocolate game and a star-making craft activity.

Star craft activity

!!!!!Competition!!!!

Can you guess how many ornaments are hanging on our tree? Email your guess to us. 

An unexpected day in China

About 3 weeks ago, one of my friends asked me to help him to prepare for a presentation which he was going to deliver in China. The presentation was for the global conference of the Chinese manufacturer which supplies the air-conditioning units that he distributes. Over 200 distributors from around the world were coming, and he was one of only three selected to deliver a presentation about the keys of his success. There were several important messages he wanted the Chinese company to understand through the presentation prior to his meeting with them, so we worked hard on the best way to get these points across without causing them to publicly lose face. Three days before he was scheduled to fly to China, he changed his thinking and asked me if I could come with him to China and deliver the presentation on his behalf.

"Why do you need to ask your wife?"

“Errr, maybe.” I replied, “Let me just ask my wife.”

“Why do you need to ask your wife?” he asked.

“Because we are not a one-man-show but we believe in teamwork.” I answered. He laughed because I was repeating one of the points from the presentation.

 

My hotel - The Ocean Spring Resort

This was how I found myself waking up in a Chinese hotel, about to give a presentation to a company which makes $20 billion per year along with its distributors from all over the world.

I was amazed to be given a VIP badge but then found that everyone had one!

Tiring journey

I still felt pretty tired when I woke up, since I had spent the previous night on planes followed by a three hour drive from the airport. I skipped the unusual-looking items at breakfast, not wanting to get an upset stomach before my presentation. Then the morning's session consisted of some of the senior Chinese management delivering presentations designed to make their distributors feel appreciated and inspired to improve their performance.

After lunch, we gathered for a group photo and then went back to the conference room to hear a speech from the president of the company. After she had finished, the distributors presentations began and I was second in line.

Group photo

If you want to fly with Eagles, don't spend time with Chickens.

After the distributor from Saudi Arabia finished his presentation I was announced as the PR Manager of my friend's company. I walked up to the lectern, but found that there was not enough space for my notes because of all the flowers. However, after removing the water, they just about fitted. The presentation went very well and was, in my humble opinion, much more interesting than the other presentations. Our final slide contained a proverb, 'If you want to fly with Eagles, don't spend time with Chickens.', to which I added, “that's why we chose to fly with such a great company as yours.”

Delivering my presentation, half-obscured by flowers

China's got talent

In the evening, we were treated to an 'appreciation banquet' with many different courses and a talent show from the employees of the company which consisted of various dances, music, songs and a very long poem about the company which was hilarious but was not intended to be. I sat on a table with the distribution team from Oman, and had a good time with them while we ate snails, oysters, prawns, crab and lots of strange but delicious Chinese vegetables. The Chinese people complimented me on my chopstick skills.

Appreciation banquet

Heroic wife!

That night I slept solidly until 9.30am and had a few hours to enjoy the hotel hot springs before spending another night on a plane flying home. My friend bought Kate a very expensive bottle of perfume to say thank you for allowing me to come with him. It was hard for her to manage all the kids by herself, with Jenson still only 9 months old and waking up most nights, in addition to all of them having coughs and colds, but she did a great job.

Ethan's third birthday, my first gig

Ethan opening his presents

We all got up at 6.30am so that Kira and Isaiah could see Ethan open his presents before Kira and Isaiah went to school. 

Ethan's new scooter

A few days earlier, a friend of mine, Mohammed, had been visiting and noticed my guitar standing in the corner so asked me to play a song. He loved the song and videoed me with his phone. I later learnt that he had sent the video to lots of friends who were amazed and wanted to hear more. He asked if he could organise an event where I would play for his friends in a cafe. I said 'maybe', but he went ahead and organised it anyway! He arranged the event for the same day as Ethan's birthday so, while Kira and Isaiah were out at school, I was practising my songs, since I wanted to sing in Arabic.

Ethan's party

 

Pass the parcel 

Ethan doesn't really have any local friends of his age yet, since he hasn't started school and none of our friends have kids his age. We invited a few of our friends with kids of different ages to come to a party for him and they had a lot of fun playing various games and eating the amazing birthday cake which Kate made. I had to leave just before the end to go to the cafe where I was supposed to play guitar and sing.

Playing at the cafe

Mohammed brought about 20 of his friends and I enjoyed meeting them all. He had not made any prior arrangements with the cafe owner who had already lined up an act for the evening so he only wanted me to do one song. Mohammed's friends loved the song and they're all keen to learn the guitar in the future as well as English, so I joined their group on Facebook to keep in touch with them about this possibility in the future.

A Day in the Life ... Eid Al Adha

Eid Al-Adha is the Muslim religious festival where a sheep or goat is sacrificed in memory of the story of Abraham's obedience when God asked him to sacrifice his son and God's subsequent provision of a ram to sacrifice instead of his son. This year, Eid fell on 24^th September which was the date of the first sighting of the new moon. It is a very social time which involves lots of visits to family and friends.

This sheep wouldn't look so happy if he knew what was coming

Visitors

The day before Eid, some local friends came to visit. They noticed Paul's guitar on its stand and asked if he would play something. We sang some Arabic songs which we know, and also spent time discussing the significance of the story of Abraham.

God stopping Abraham from sacrificing his son

Sick kids

Unfortunately, Kira fell sick with fever and vomiting for four days and meant that we could not visit all the people we would have liked to visit over Eid. The day after Eid, Paul visited the family who had visited us and Kate tried her best to visit some of the ladies who live in the apartments above us, although some of them were out visiting their family and friends. Just as Kira was recovering, Jenson fell sick with a fever, cough and cold.

Jordanians bake millions of date biscuits for Eid which are then given to all their Eid visitors.

Despite this, we still managed to visit another family, the day before the father of the family had to fly back to Saudi Arabia, where he works as a mechanic. Kate has made friends with his wife and this was our first opportunity to meet her husband. He explained to us that he has no choice but to work in Saudi Arabia in order to provide for his family and support his children through university. This is the situation for many people in Jordan, where work opportunities can be hard to find.

Our friends appreciated the fact that we visited them during Eid and will probably make sure they come and visit us in return during our Christmas holiday.

Day in the Life ... My First Day at Big School - by Isaiah

I started in Grade 1 at the big National Orthodox School (the same as Year 2 in UK). Now I have to wear uniform and I really like my new "minions" bag.

I had to get up early and leave home at 7:20am because we start school at 7:40am. There was lots of traffic and we waited in a traffic jam for 10 minutes to get to the school gate.

I met my teacher, Miss Zain, and did some colouring. I sat next to my friends Yasmeen and Adam. I am with the children from my class last year so I know everyone except there are 2 new girls and some of the naughty boys are in another class.

I have a cubby hole to put my books in and I am sitting on table 3. We got a tick for our table because we were good but table 1 and table 2 got crosses because they didn't listen to the teacher.

I really like my school and it is so much fun.